It was dark. Just one light over me. Was I in a room? How big?
What happened? How did I get here. All I remembered was going in, firing, and then being caught in a tractor-beam. I reversed thrusters but it was too late and the beam was too powerful. I remembered a blinding white light and -- Cyndi Lauper's hair??? And then ... I was here.
But, where is here? While I wasn't physically restrained in any way I could tell, I couldn't move. I couldn't even wiggle. Was I sitting? Or standing? Or lying down? I couldn't tell. I could have been standing on my head for all I knew.
"My name is Bro - Fish Bro, Captain., serial # 4658A39 ...
"YOU ARE NUMBER 3!!"
I couldn't even get the rest of my serial number out.
"WHAT IS YOUR MISSION?"
I started to repeat, "My name is Bro - Fish Bro, Captain, seria ...
"ENOUGH OF THIS!" The loud bass-baritone voice echoed in the emptiness.
"You know you'll never keep me here against my will."
"AaHAHAHAHAHAHA. We have many more just like you. You won't be leaving us anytime soon."
Man, this was a bummer. I never expected to get caught. But then, nobody ever does. I knew there were lots of us in the war who hadn't returned, but I didn't know they took prisoners!
"Now, let's try it again. What is your mission?"
"My name is Bro - Fish Bro, Captain, serial # 4658A3942"
"YOU ARE NUMBER 3!"
"Who is number 1?"
"AaHAHAHAHAHAHA."
There was that ludicrous laugh again.
"You don't need to worry about that. I'd say you have enough to worry about right here and now. And believe me when I say that this meeting is just a cordiality."
"Then this meeting is at an end."
"Very well."
Suddenly, the light went out and I was in complete darkness. Got -- to -- try -- to -- move. What's holding me? It's, it's, like - something from Nickelodeon. It's GOOOO! Oh, yuk! Goooo. Okay, calm down. How do we get out of the goo? How far does the goo go? What's on the other side?
There was this giant sucking sound. It was getting closer. I began to feel like I was being pulled toward the sound. Suddenly I shot into a hole. A tube? A vortex? There was goo all around me. But I could still breathe. The goo was pulled away and I continued through the tube, landing in ....
"Ding"
"Ggggood evening, Sir. And welcome to the only nice motel in town."
What in-the-hell was that?
"And how long will you be staying with us - Mr. & Mrs. John Q. Smith from Anytown, USA?"
"Well I'm not really Mr. & Mrs. John Q. Smith."
"That's okay. Cuz' I'm not Bob and ..."
"... and he's not Ed, if you get my drift."
I knew it! I was stuck in a Firesign Theater script! But how to get out? Play along?
"UuHhhh, I still have some corn."
It suddenly got quiet again. I could hear a strange whirring sound.
"Corn! Now we can make tortillas!"
The lights suddenly came on - and for the first time, I could see them - the enemy - the RNA!! There they were in all their grotesqueness.